


Want another taste, I'm begging

by yourbuttervoicedbeau (kiwiana)



Series: Songs from the Jukebox [Prompt Fills] [40]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Fluff and Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, POV David Rose, Post-Canon, Sibling Banter, Trolling, but I've never written the word 'come' so many times in one fic before, really didn't know how to rate this one, there's nothing even close to smut, trolling as a love language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:34:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26228758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwiana/pseuds/yourbuttervoicedbeau
Summary: Alexis' face scrunches up in disgust. "David, that is super gross," she says. She's drawing a breath, presumably to continue berating him, when Patrick walks through the door and Alexis turns her ire on him instead. "And you," she says. "Honestly, I'd expect this kind of unprofessional behaviour from David, but not from you."
Relationships: Alexis Rose & David Rose, Patrick Brewer & Alexis Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: Songs from the Jukebox [Prompt Fills] [40]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775569
Comments: 40
Kudos: 227





	Want another taste, I'm begging

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ships_to_sail](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ships_to_sail/gifts).



> I was having a crappy day a couple of days ago and ships started throwing ridiculous concepts my way, and one made me laugh. I've put it in the end notes, though, because I guess it's technically a spoiler? (Inasmuch as a 1k word fic can have spoilers lmao)
> 
> Title is from DNCE.

"Ew, David! What the fuck?"

David blinks, his ears ringing from the assault on his eardrums. Alexis has just breezed through the door of the store, her arms extended for a hug but now she's frozen in horror a foot in front of him.

"Oh my God, what? And what are you doing here? I thought Patrick was going to take you straight back to the house!"

"Well, I wanted to come and see you first, David, but I wouldn't have if I'd known I'd have to see come in my brother's hair! Ugh!"

David snorts at her histrionics. "I don't have _come_ in my hair, Alexis, don't be gross," he says with an eyeroll, but his hand makes its way almost of its own accord to the spot he can see her glaring daggers at. To his horror, his fingertips do brush along a spot that feels hard in a way Lacey's new pomade that he's trialling wouldn't cause, and when he pinches the strand of hair between his fingers he actually hears a slightly upsetting crunching sound.

"That's—" he starts, before grasping to the life raft his sister has unwittingly offered him. "Yep, that's come," he says as he nods quickly. "From all the loud, raucous sex I was having with my husband this morning."

Alexis' face scrunches up in disgust. "David, that is super gross," she says. She's drawing a breath, presumably to continue berating him, when Patrick walks through the door and Alexis turns her ire on him instead. "And _you_ ," she says. "Honestly, I'd expect this kind of unprofessional behaviour from David, but not from you."

Patrick frowns at her before walking over to kiss David across the counter. "Did you insist a customer buy the dandruff shampoo again?"

"Okay, that happened one time and frankly it was a public service," David snaps back. "And no." He stares hard at Patrick, willing him to read his mind. "Alexis noticed I have _come_ in my hair, from us having _sex_ this morning."

Patrick frowns harder, his eyes flicking up to David's hair before his face clears in understanding. David has about half a second of relief before Patrick's expression shifts again, from understanding to absolute glee, and David suddenly has a horrible sinking feeling about what is going to come out of his mouth. 

"Right," Patrick says slowly, the grin splitting his face. "All that... hot sex."

"Ugh." Alexis tosses her hair over her shoulder. "Honestly, I guess I should be grateful you got it out of your system before I arrived, but still. You guys have been married, like, basically forever—"

"A year and a half," Patrick interrupts her, the smile he directs at David much softer and more genuine this time.

"Right, so basically forever. I'm just saying, you should be able to control yourselves by now."

Patrick shrugs. "What can I say? David said he wanted to try something new; something he hadn't done before." He winks at David, who is torn between laughing out loud and throwing a lip balm at him. "It's important to keep things exciting when you've been married _basically forever_."

Alexis looks like she might be turning slightly green. "Well, okay, but whatever you're doing in the bedroom does _not_ need to come to work with you."

"Mm." Patrick's eyes are dancing, and David braces himself for whatever's coming. "Technically, it was the kitchen."

"Ew!" Alexis glares at David, which is a little unfair considering Patrick said it. "I don't need to know that!"

"Oh, don't worry, Alexis," Patrick continues. "Things got a little messy, but I promise we got it all cleaned up before we came to work."

"Stop!" she yells, pressing her hands over her ears. "Oh my God, David, this is worse than the time you walked in on Mom and Dad."

Patrick's eyebrows shoot up at that, but David ignores him to glare at his sister. "Wow, I'd _almost_ blocked that out, thanks so much. Besides, you're not the one who saw anything."

"No, but I had to hear about it, just like I have to hear about this! Other people do _not_ need to be involved in your sex life, David!"

David can think of about six different responses to that, but before he can decide on one Patrick turns to him, his wide eyes somehow screaming deep sarcasm even before he starts speaking. "She's right, David," he says solemnly. "It _was_ a little weird when you took a break partway through to call my mom for advice."

"What the _fuck_?!"

The earsplittingly high-pitched disgust in Alexis' tone is finally enough to break Patrick's resolve and he slumps over the counter, laughing so hard David can hear him wheezing. David lasts a couple of seconds before he starts laughing too, his embarrassment at the whole situation completely worth it for the look on his sister's face right now.

"Alexis," he chokes out when he finally has control of himself; Patrick is still leaning on the counter, laughing so hard tears are leaking out of the corners of his eyes. "It's not come. It's frosting."

"It—" Alexis glances up, then flicks her eyes back to his in bewilderment. "What?"

"Frosting. I was making cupcakes this morning, and apparently I got frosting in my hair somehow."

"Well, why wouldn't you just tell me that, David?"

Patrick finally stands up, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "David, only you would think admitting you'd been baking was more embarrassing than being at work for hours with come in your hair," he says, shaking his head. He licks his fingertip and, before David can object, leans forward and carefully scrubs the offending strand of hair between his thumb and forefinger before brushing the frosting off on the back of his jeans. Then he leans in further, wrapping a hand around the back of David's neck and kissing him softly.

"Okay, nope!" Alexis says quickly, batting at Patrick's shoulder until he pulls away and then standing between them. "I've had enough trauma for one day, thank you. Hands _off_."

"No promises, Alexis," Patrick says with a smirk, and David grins back at him.

**Author's Note:**

> ships said: "how about David still has cupcake icing in his hair from earlier in the afternoon, and Patrick can't help teasing him". This is... only sort of that.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Come and find me on [Tumblr](http://yourbuttervoicedbeau.tumblr.com/).


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